When you want to Change but feel Defeated
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I want to change. Yet…
I feel so defeated. I feel so weak. How can I go from accomplishing something great to hiding in my closet eating large amounts of chocolate in the same day?
I just completed Insanity. It’s an exercise program. A difficult exercise program, if I say so myself. It’s something I never thought I could do, yet I did it, and it felt great.
I’ve been struggling with some gut health issues for the better part of 1 year. It all started with some skin issues, that I later learned was linked to my unbalanced gut flora. I’ve been on a crazy strict diet since the middle of January.
In the beginning, I did perfect. I had a big motivation…my face was messed up. The majority of my face was red, bumpy, burning, itchy skin. It was terrible. I had tried lots of medications from the dermatologist and nothing was working. I was desperate.
We can really accomplish things when we are desperate, huh? Nothing to lose. I can’t stay where I’m at, and I’ll do anything to get out of this place. Real change.
I maintained that strict diet perfectly for about 3 months. Then I was at about 90-95% perfect for the next 3 months. Yet over the last month I’ve been struggling…hard.
Giving in to Temptation
Last night, I stood in my closet eating a very large piece of chocolate (handfuls would be accurate)…hoping that my husband wouldn’t see me. Why? Because this gut healing thing isn’t free. We are paying more money for food. I’m taking multiple supplements daily, which are costly. I’m seeing a naturopath and having testing done. These are costs to our family that are not always easy to cover.
So, I hide, because I am embarrassed and ashamed. I hide because I want to get well…to change, but I also want to be able to enjoy food. I hide because I don’t want to let my husband or my family down.
Is this really about food? A little…who doesn’t love food?
Is it about will power and self-discipline and strength? Yes, partly. We have these things, and Christ, also, gives us His strength – when we call out for it.
More than anything, these self-defeating, guilt causing, life sucking daily struggles are a strategy to keep us from the life we are meant to live.
We are called to have life to the abundance. Not be controlled by anything. To be prepared and ready to do God’s work.
Are you struggling with something? Is it bringing you guilt and disappointment? Are you so ashamed in yourself that your hiding your poor choices in your closet?
When we have things in our life that we feel helpless against, things that cause us to make poor decisions, where we feel out of control, we will never be able to live the life we are meant to. We will never be fully in the will of God.
Moving out of Guilt
How do we get over it? How do we move out of the darkness of shame and guilt and poor choices and feeling weak and disappointed?
I don’t know all the answers. I’ve written several blog posts on goal setting, accomplishing goals, and overcoming procrastination. It’s a topic that I love and feel compassionate about. One that I’ve seen success in.
However, what about the areas of our life that we just can’t seem to get a handle on? No matter how hard we try to change. Are we destined to ping pong back and forth between feeling deprived to overindulgent guilt?
I recently read, Made to Crave. It is a wonderful book. Lysa shares her journey overcoming food, although this could be applied to anything that seems to have control over you; shopping, drugs, pornography, etc.
Here’s what she says…we are Made to Crave. God made us to crave Him. The problem is sometimes that craving turns into wanting a quick satisfaction or high from other things – food, buying stuff, affection from inappropriate places. The problem isn’t the craving – the problem is craving the wrong thing.
She uses her craving, her temptation, as a trigger to pray. “What do I need right now Lord? What am I really looking for? Help me look to You, not my temptation.”
I see you there, hiding in the closet, feeling terrible, wondering why you just can’t get control over this thing. You are not alone. It may seem like something stupid, such as not being able to put down the chocolate, but I know that it’s something big to you. It’s hard. A mountain. Filling you with despair.
You are not alone.
I want you to know that you are more than that quick satisfaction of sugary joy. You are made for more, and you do not have to be controlled by anything. You can shift your focus from quick joy that brings you guilt to lasting joy that brings you life.
Forgive yourself…Look to God…remind yourself that He loves you….Yes, even the closet hiding chocolate eating you…ask Him to fill your need…to give you strength to make the good decision…then walk away from the temptation…next, ask Him to do that about a thousand more times until you finally feel the release of the tension cord of temptation.
What craving or temptation are you struggling with that is bringing you guilt or shame?
You can email me privately, if sharing in the comments is too much. – email@example.com
Let me know. – Would it help you to have a private facebook group to share your journey to accomplishing your goals? An accountability group?
I have a hard time finding an accountability partner for most of my goals. Most of the time, I don’t know anyone that’s going after the same things. My poor husband probably gets tired of hearing about it over and over. Do you want a place just to share your victories or struggles each day with people that will not tire of hearing about it? A safe place to receive encouragement – not condemnation and guilt?
Let me know. Creating an atmosphere of encouragement and love is the heart of this blog.
I’m praying for you friends.
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